I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
