i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
