I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
