I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
