Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize
