We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
Randomize
