so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
Randomize
