She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Randomize
