Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
