Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Randomize
