So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
Randomize
