Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Randomize
