I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
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