i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Randomize
