Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
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