I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
I just found puke in my bra..
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
I just gargled with NyQuil
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
Randomize
