Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
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