the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
Randomize
