apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize
