Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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