when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Randomize
