I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
