so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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