Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
she told me i tasted like america
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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