Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Randomize
