I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
I can't trust your balls anymore.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
Randomize
