he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
