sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
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