who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
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