Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Randomize
