Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting