Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
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Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
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i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
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