Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
Is Oprah even human
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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