You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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