Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
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