Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
that's an acceptable place to lick
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
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