dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
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