I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
In America we eat man semen.
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
Randomize
