My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Randomize
