Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
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