There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Randomize
