Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
Randomize
