guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
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We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
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I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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