his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
