"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
I was not drunk enough for that final.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Randomize
