he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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