Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
