Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
I feel great
I just peed on a car
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
