There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
Randomize
