he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
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