God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Randomize
