do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
He disabled his match.com account in front of me
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Randomize
