at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
Life without a bra equals bliss.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
Randomize
