You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
Randomize
