Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
