you would pick up someone in the library
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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