I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
