What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Randomize
