Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Randomize
