I CAN MOONWALK!
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
Randomize
