How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
Randomize
