I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
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