By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
Randomize
