just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
I licked your asshole in confidence.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
Randomize
