I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
