I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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