I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Randomize
