it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
