It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
