in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
Randomize
