I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
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