You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
Randomize
